CHOOSE LIKE EINSTEIN by Rhoberta Shaler
Albert Einstein gave us a truthful, if playful, formula. He
said, "If A = success, the formula is A = X + Y with X being
work, Y being play and Z, keeping your mouth shut.”
I cannot imagine there is anyone who, at some point, has not
kicked themselves for saying something when that something would
have been better left unsaid. For most of us with any degree of
“awareness”, there is that internal voice, whispering, or
screaming, “Don’t Do It!”, and yet, out it comes. We know
better. We say it. We regret it. This apparently must have also
happened to Einstein. Now, isn’t that reassuring?
There is another quote that goes something like this: It is
easier to put a speeding bullet back into the gun, than to
recall words once they have been spoken. We’ve all experienced
the regret of the word spoken in anger, revenge or
unmindfulness. As most of us are in relationships with others
who are much like us, it is highly unlikely that their response
to our carelessly chosen words is one of sweetness and light-and
the struggle is on.
In counseling couples and giving relationship seminars, I call
this the “ten-for-the-price-of-one” approach. If we had
carefully, thoughtfully and mindfully refrained from those one
or two comments, the one conversation we were having at that
time would have stayed on track and, perhaps, been productive.
By saying those fated words, we create the opportunity to
escalate that one conversation. The tone of the conversation
changes. The issue becomes broader, usually more personally
offensive and more emotionally based. This leads us astray from
the intent of the first conversation.
Here’s an example: Mary wants to talk to John about her
discomfort when he regularly leaves the lid off the toothpaste.
She tells him that it really bothers her and, although she knows
it is her issue, she would like his help with it.
His choices: A. “Oh, I didn’t know it bothered you that much. I
love you and I will be happy to put the lid on the toothpaste.”
(This man is a paragon of virtue ready for sainthood!)
B. “Oh, tell me more about that because I don’t understand it at
all.” (He has some communication skills.)
C. “Oh, there you go again. You always have something to
complain about. You’re just like your mother. (Oops, we’re soon
likely to forget that the issue is the lid on the toothpaste!)
D. “Get over it! Get a life! or Give it up, _____!” ( We are
certainly not going to solve the ‘lid on the toothpaste’ issue
in the near future.)
Now we can have the " ten-for-the-price-of-one" conversations.
The issue will come up again and again and become an ongoing
example of Mary’s unreasonableness every time John wants to end
a conversation. Recognize this? It’s common.
Try this. Stop and take a breath before you say those fated
words that you really know may take you into a "10-for-1"
conversation. Be curious. Ask for more information. Truly listen
and intend to learn something about the other person. This has a
way of changing relationships for the better. Here’s to Albert’s
formula for success!
| About Author Rhoberta Shaler : |
|
Rhoberta Shaler, PhDKeynotes, Seminars & Coaching for entrepreneurs & professionalswho want the motivation & strategies to achieve, to lead and tolive richly. Creator of the Living Richly™ Program Host of Living Richly™ on www.wsRadio.ws. Author of OPTIMIZE Your Day!Practical Wisdom for Optimal Living Optimize Life Now! San Diego, CAwww.OptimizeLifeNow.com
| |
Article Source: http://www.bharatbhasha.net
Article Url: http://www.bharatbhasha.net/advice.php/15810
LD
| Other Articles by Rhoberta Shaler | |
•HOW S YOUR VIEW
? by Rhoberta ShalerIt is comforting to know that we choose the way we see theworld, isn't it? We choose both our view and our response to theview. Why do I think this is comforting? Because you have theultimate control to change your perceptions and reactions. Forsome it is not comforting, it's terrifying! What would happen ifyou had no one to blame your feelings on?You've probably all heard the saying, You'll be about as happyas you make up your mind to be. There is so much truth in that.I...
•HOW MUCH ARE YOU
HOW MUCH ARE YOU? by Rhoberta ShalerYou have probably repeatedly heard, Be all you can be! How much is that?Do you have any idea? Do you have any idea of how much you want it to be?Platitudes are great. We throw them out and we think we have said somethingof great and profound importance. You might think that you have justdivulged your heartfelt philosophy. You likely have, however, withoutpinning down their meaning for you and clarifying the actions you must take,they simply assuage your...
•IT S YOUR CHOICE
by Rhoberta ShalerDo you really realize just how much choice you have in yourlife? Every moment you are choosing. The trick is to makethose choices conscious, to be aware that you are actuallymaking a choice at each moment.I was talking to one of my book editors the other day and heasked me why I wrote that you choose your perceptions in life.He wanted to know how I thought that was true. Well, moreaccurately, he did not want to believe it was true and washoping to convince me otherwise!!It...
•BE TRUSTWORTHY
by Rhoberta ShalerHow do you approach the people and situations in your life? Do you expecteach person you meet to be trustworthy? Do you expect a positive outcomefrom each situation? Do you accord yourself love, respect and approval forwho you are right this minute? Deciding to live from a place of acceptanceand expectation of good seems to me to be throwing your heart out in frontof you. If you expect to get hurt, it is likely it will be so. If youexpect to fail, that, too, is likely. Why?...
•WHAT YOU REALLY NEED TO HAVE GREAT RELATIONSHIPS
by Rhoberta ShalerMost folks live, work or play with other folks. We all need theskills to play nicely together. Where do we get those skills andtools? And, what are they?It is not rocket science to understand that our early trainingcontinues to play out in our lives. What we did in our familiestends to be our base line until we decide to consciously changeour minds. There are far too many people...believe me, I know,having been a therapist for years...who spend their livesblaming their...
•WHEN DOES WORK BECOMES PLAY
WHEN DOES WORK BECOMES PLAY? by Rhoberta ShalerI work an average of ten hours a day and It occurred to me theother day that I am retired. Sounds paradoxical, however, it'strue. My definition of retirement is the time in a person's lifewhen she has the opportunity to do exactly what she wants to doall day. So, I'm retired. Are you?There is another thing I truly like about my definition: itchanges my attitude towards my work. Knowing that I amconsciously CHOOSING to do what I do makes all the...
|
| |
