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Most of us spend our lives seeking and struggling to find that which will bring meaning and wholeness to our lives. Searching on the highways and byways, most of that which we find, soon loses value. Perhaps it is because we search in the wrong way and for the wrong reason.
Then the time comes to Turn Around, take a new look, return to that which will never fail to provide joy, understanding and fulfillment. But, before we can return, we must know where it is we are returning to, and where we...
How to Release Fear and Move Forward
There are many ways that fear stops us from moving forward easily. We often become unable to take action due to fear of making mistakes. However, there's nothing wrong with mistakes. Mistakes are your friend. You cannot get up if you do not fall down. No child would ever walk if he feared falling down. It is natural to take action, learn from what happens, and move forward. In fact, it's good to make a so-called mistake. It means you've taken a risk. You've stood up to fear and became...
You Can't Say Yes if You Can't Say No
Fear is a great factor in relationships. It confuses our mind, undermines our confidence and prevents us from making choices that would be healthy for all concerned. A great source of fear is rejection by others. Not aware that we have rejected ourselves, we become overly hungry for the approval of others. In this state of mind we use our relationships as a way to gain the love and sense of self worth we may feel is lacking. What a danger, many then twist themselves in all kinds of ways to...
Fearless Relationships
Today fear is rampant in all areas of our lives. There are many ways we seek safe harbor, a place to feel protected and cared for. Many turn to relationships for this comfort. Then, an odd thing happens, the relationship itself causes fear. What makes this happen? How do we build fearless relationships, based on courage and good will?
It has been said that there are only two emotions: love and fear. For some of us, oddly, love is frightening, while fear feels safe. We think fear will warn us...
Calming the Restless Mind
All times of loneliness, confusion and restlessness come for a powerful reasonso we can stop our usual way of being in order to discover where true strength, connection and understanding lay. These difficult times are actually a gift, removing us from preoccupation with that which is not important and causing us to embark upon a journey into what is truly meaningful and healing in our lives.
A powerful way to dissolve restlessness is to turn to that which is greater than yourself, to open...
Let It Be Revealed: Secrets of Building Uplifting Relationships
Whatever we are in life, we bring to our relationships. When a relationship begins we may expect to get our needs met, feeling that everything will work out just the way we want it to. Nothing can be further from the truth.
We have been programmed to believe that if we get what we want, we are a success. We want excitement, change, pleasure, stimulation, good friends, praise and happy conversation. This is also what we want from relationships. But for relationships to be truly successful we...
Understanding The Amazing Power of Words
We have been given a magical power - the words we speak. Most use this power carelessly or unconsciously. They are not aware of the enormous consequences of what they say. Most people don't realize the power of the words they speak and the words they listen to. Much speech arises compulsively and unknowingly causes harm. So many live with remorse not being able to take back harsh words they have said.
Words can become a source of blessings or curses, health and inspiration, depression and...
Five Unfailing Steps to Healing Your Relationship
Many times we begin to feel stuck in our relationships, as though its impossible to make the changes in ourselves that we want to make. Old habits and memories reappear frequently., pulling us back into old patterns and fears..
However, there are easy, unfailing steps we can take to healing our relationship. These steps are easy, enjoyable and life giving, and all that is needed is a willingness to put these simple steps into action one by one.
Step 1: Take responsibility for whatevers...
How to Stop the Churning Self: The Practice of Mindfulness
If we look honestly at most of our lives, it is easy to see how truly difficult it is to stop ingrained behaviors and responses. It is so natural to be at the mercy of automatic, repetitive, responses. Most of our lives are lived racing from one activity to another, one relationship to the next. We seldom see the person or situation we are facing. Instead we are run by old patterns, repetitive thoughts, persistent desires, fierce appetites and exhausting obsessions. One-pointed mindfulness,...
Healing Through Zen
"The whole world is medicine, what is the illness?"
When some people suffer they take medication, others seek therapy, a few become students of Zen. Although much has been made of the connections between Zen and psychology, to really understand Zen healing, it is also necessary to be aware of what healing means psychologically. From the psychological point of view, emotional pain is a message from the unconscious that conflict has arisen, defenses are weakening. A patient coming to the...
When Change Comes (Sacred Steps to Living With Uncertainty)
When Dogen, a great Zen Master of old, returned to Japan after many years of studying Zen in China, the people asked what he brought with him to help others who were suffering, he said, Ive come with nothing but empty hands.
What are these empty hands? Where can we find them? What value are they of us today? Usually our hands are full, filled with tasks, problems, relationships and possessions that seem impossible to put down. We live our lives so full of ourselves, full of decisions, plans...
Who is the One Who Walks Alone? The Secret to Healing Loneliness
Loneliness is one of the great sufferings of our times. Despite our being constantly on-line, tuned in, the heart needs human contact and warmth. And, beyond that we all have a deep hunger to belong to community or family. Yet, before we can truly feel a part of their world, we must understand the difference between loneliness and being alone. If we come together out of fear of being alone, this togetherness is not really satisfying, but often a way to hide from the disconnection, self judgment...
New Ways of Healing Suffering
When pain and hard times come into our lives, (whether emotionally or physically) we usually tense up to fight our problems, try to figure a solution, and depend upon our logical minds. We feel we must overpower our problems with our expertise. As soon as we feel pain or discomfort, we immediately try to stop it from happening and look for some way to soothe what we are going through. This orientation leads to increasing stress and a never ending battle with all that impinges upon us. After one...
A New Look at Finding Love
Everyone wants love and yet today it seems more difficult than ever to know how to build a lasting relationship and find the fulfillment we desire. In many circles, traditional relationships and commitment are a thing of the past. For many, it has become hard to find a suitable partner and create a lasting home. Both Zen and Jewish practice offer unique point of view about love, which can ease the loneliness many today experience.
In Jewish practice, it is in the very process of being in...
How to Calm Down Easily: Some Zen Steps
No matter what is happening around us, we do not have to react impulsively, but can learn to respond. Giving into automatic negative reactions can become addictive and its important to learn how to diffuse them. The steps offered here are simple, but powerful. The more we practice them the stronger we become.
Tapping Into Our Fundamental Strength
In Zen we say, Open the treasure house within. This reminds us that we are all endowed with many resources that were not aware of, and do not...
The Art of Making Peace in Jewish and Zen Practice
Today we are living in a world where conflict is raging out of control and all are seeking ways of making peace, resolving conflict in the world, their families and personal relationships. The practices of both Judaism and Zen, have time tested practices which lead us to become balanced, positive and clear, no matter what is going on.
The overall purpose of Jewish practice is Tikkun Olam, healing the world. In order to do this however, individuals must start closer to home. In Jewish practice,...
Two Wings of a Bird: The Practice of Judaism and Zen
Today a great spiritual hunger is surfacing as many seek comfort, support, and meaning in a world that has spun out of control. Yet, times of loneliness, confusion, fear, or separation come for a powerful reasonso we can stop our usual way of being and discover where true strength, connection, and understanding lie. These difficult times are actually a blessing, removing us from preoccupation with externals and inviting us to embark on a journey into the heart and meaning of our lives. Both...
The Art of Creating Win-Win Relationships
There are many factors which contribute to creating win-win relationships, but one of the most powerful ones is to understand and practice the power of acknowledgment. Acknowledgment means the willingness to offer honest, positive feedback to another about what they are doing and how it is affecting you. Usually, we focus upon other individual's negativities and how irritating they can be. We gossip about these to friends and family and dwell upon them ourselves. However, when we decide to...
How To Develop True Self Worth And Really Win
In order to feel good about themselves, most compare themselves to others, compete and try to win in all areas of their life. They do not realize, however, that this often can be an expression of aggression towards others, and ultimately also towards themselves. When they win this way, it's not true winning.
When we want to be better than others, we are also driven to make sure they remain beneath us. We do what we can to keep them in their place,and look for their failings and weaknesses. We...
Journey Through Loss And Change
We all feel that the world is stable and secure, that change and loss will not come into our lives. When it does, not only do we experience deep shock and sorrow, but our normal anchors disappear. Confusion, numbness, and helplessness can arise.
Needless to say, it takes time to absorb these changes. Along with a sense of abandonment and sorrow, anger and struggle often replace the comfort and strength an individual needs. Most have little understanding of what they are going through, or what...
How To Handle Infidelity In A Marriage
Infidelity and the threat of it, is the largest single issue that threatens marriages. A basis of all healthy marriage is the ability to trust. It is not only the sexual betrayal but the lies that accompany infidelity that are so devastating. This break of trust need not be fatal; if both parties truly wish to do so it can be repaired. It takes time, patience, wisdom and true dedication for this process to work.
First, it is absolutely necessary to acknowledge what has happened. No step...
Why Men Need Adventure And How To Handle It
There are certain men who crave adventure in their relationships and also in their lives. This is the craving to be challenged, grow and become all they are capable of. For some the call comes in connection to work, sports or feats of daring; others hear it in relationship to women, who they see as their primary challenge. This need for adventure in relationship can manifest in various ways.
Some men are drawn to disturbed and disturbing women. They find this exciting and stimulating, despite...
How To Break The Addiction To Anger
It is easy to become addicted. We are all creatures of habit. Habits provide a sense of certainty, security and stability in our lives. When they are disrupted our sense of well being becomes easily threatened. However, when we depend upon a habit for our sense of well being, it is easy for it to develop into an addiction.
Addiction to anger is one of the most common and lethal addictions, and one most seldom recognized. The anger addict becomes hooked by the false sense of power anger...
How To Feed The Hungry Heart
Most of us live our lives hungry, hungry for love, attention, praise, success. But no matter how much we take in, it's hard to be satisfied and feel full. We may get what we need momentarily, but then before long we're craving more. It is easy to spend each day waiting for tomorrow when we will get what we dream of. Most think that tomorrow they will arrive at their goal, find a new job, have good weather, or finally, magically, meet the love of their life.
But when tomorrow comes it's...
How To Stop The Fighting In Your Relationship
How To Stop The Fighting In Your Relationship
Copyright 2005 Brenda Shoshanna
For some couples fighting is the fire that keeps their relationships alive. It lets them know the other cares. Many are determined to win a battle that never ends. Others try to right the wrongs they have experienced in the past with someone new. Unfortunately, this kind of behavior is doomed to failure. When we bring baggage from a former relationship into the present, all new relationships simply become a...
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