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People ask, "Why are you trying to help people 'fix' relationships that many people urge you to flee?" We are by profession, practice and expertise healers first. Our belief is that people, at the core of their being, have the capacity for change.
Every person in an abusive relationship, whether they are the abuser or abused, can influence the dynamics of the relationship. Now this doesn't mean to imply that domestic abuse survivors are responsible for the battering or even have the ability...
Healing from Domestic Abuse - How to Get Rid of Disturbing Thoughts
How do you stop thinking about something that is bothering you?" Now even tough this question came from one of our domestic abuse survivor readers, be it known that this is a question for anyone who is a part of the human race.
You Control Your Thoughts
You feed what is nourishing you until there is nothing left to support that which is bothering you. That is, you starve the life out of it simply by deciding to pursue that which takes you where you enjoy being.
There is no strain in...
Verbal Emotional Abuse - How to Get Out of the Line of Fire
Your partner is angry about God only knows what and there you are in the line of fire. He may start with some derogatory comment about the way you manage (or fail to manage) your life. And quickly, he tosses in his resentment toward your family and their character. Then, before you know it, he's bringing in and unloading the whole darn truck.
You know you are being ambushed with his verbal emotional abuse. All you want is to pull in and be out of this man's line of fire...
How do you...
Healing From Domestic Abuse - Do You Need the Abuser's Apology for You to Heal?
? "What if the abuser never ever apologizes, does not believe in remorse and has no empathy? What then...how do we heal?" asks a reader. Good question for those seeking to heal from intimate partner violence.
Implied in this question appears to be a belief that I would question. Is it true that you need your partner to apologize, have empathy and show remorse in order for you to heal from domestic abuse?
If this is a current partner, you will probably want his/her apology to remain in...
Healing Emotional Abuse - Healing Through the Structure of Silence
When you know the structure of silence, you hold the key to healing emotional abuse from within. Now this may sound simple or it may sound profound, depending on your relationship to being quiet within.
Knowing silence and being familiar with navigating its structure is like knowing any other cleansing process. For example, you know how to bath your body. You know lathering up and rinsing off is part of cleansing.
The Structure of Silence
There is structure to silence as there is routine...
Domestic Violence and Custody - Child Abuse and the Replay Button
The next worst thing to being abused is retelling the story over and over, again and again in the context of a custody dispute. Of course, the operative words here are "over and over" "again and again."
If you think you are doing your child a service by letting his/her voice be heard in your custody battle, think again. Not about their voice factored into the equation, but about the impact of telling his/her story, over and over again.
Hearing Your Abused Child's Voice
It's one thing to...
Healing Emotional Abuse - The Language of Healing and the Mechanics of Purification
What is it about silence that enables healing from emotional trauma? The answer to this question is the essence of healing the trauma of domestic violence.
Mind-Body Medicine and Domestic Abuse Recovery
We know from the principles of mind-body medicine that there is an undeniable relationship between what's between the ears and what's under the skin. Every thought has a corresponding affective (feeling) component to it.
Think about an experience by visualizing the memory of the...
Domestic Violence Divorce - The Cobra Batterer, Child Custody Seeker
Have you ever noticed how some abusers will fight you to the end for custody and others give it up and walk away? Now this observation may be contrary to common understanding by those in the domestic violence divorce circles. However, from the clinical perspective, these are the trends.
In the 90's Drs. Jacobson and Gottman describe the difference between two kinds of batterers. They call one group the Pit Bulls and the other the Cobras.
Pit Bulls and Child Custody
Pit Bulls usually come...
Domestic Abuse Counseling - 5 Clues for a Positive Outcome in Domestic Abuse Treatment
"Do you think my husband will/can change?" Spousal abuse survivors embarking on domestic abuse counseling ask this question. They want to know if I think their husbands will change. And the husbands secretly ask, "Will/can she change?"
Now, let's face I, I don't have a crystal ball but I can tell you what a good prognosis looks like. I can tell you how someone presents wherein the chances are in their favor for a positive outcome in domestic abuse treatment. And, I can tell you which...
Domestic Abuse Counseling - How to Engage Your Partner in Abusive Relationship Therapy
Identifying the problem is half of the solution. We hear this in healthcare and in domestic abuse counseling, too.
But when you are on the receiving end of domestic abuse, you often lose sight of the fact that identifying the problem is part of the treatment. Battered women expect their abusive partners to have admitted that they are batterers in order to enter into therapy. Not true!
In fact, more often than not, batterers voluntarily entering into domestic abuse therapy are in denial that...
Parental Alienation - How to Prepare for Your Parent-Adult Child Reunion
"You are backed into supervised or therapeutic visitation and your children are brainwashed to see you as 'danger.' The alienating parent cuts you out of your lost child's life. When you realize there's nothing to hold onto, you pack your personals, grab what's left of your life and run." Sounding familiar...?
Some people leave for a job, some move toward friends or family, and others leave to hold onto their sanity or criminal free record.
Parental Alienation - Distant Parent and Lost Child...
Domestic Violence Counseling - Finding Peace Amidst Abusive Relationship Fury
"I love the enthusiasm of our interaction, but when we get on a heated roll, I hate the destruction of our mutual ambush." Sound familiar?
Sometimes violence in a relationship can go two ways: from him to her and from her to him. You may have heard me refer to this as interactional relationship abuse.
It is relationship abuse wherein each party carries the control alternating overpowering the other. In the example introducing this article we see a stage ripe for an interactive discussion,...
Parental Alienation - The Cast Away Parent Still Has Longings and Rights
It's been seven years since he/she has had contact with his/her child. And this child is turning 18 years old next year. Those forgotten longings and rights start stirring again.
I hear this story routinely and recognize a pattern in these parents who have been tossed aside as though they were tissue that no longer matters. The fact is that they continue to matter long after they have been cast away.
The Rekindled Longing for Your Stolen Child
There is something about that 17th birthday...
Domestic Violence by Proxy - The Key to Healing Parental Alienation & Helping Your Compromised Child
"My ex has lured our son into wanting to live with him and now my son treats me just like my ex did. He has turned our boy against me." If you have left an abuser, you may know this one.
Sad to say, almost weekly someone writes to me asking for insight on how to deal with this dilemma. How do you deal with being an estranged parent? What can you do for your brainwashed child?
Parental Alienation Advice
See your child as whole and do your best to feel your wholeness in his (or her) presence....
Spousal Emotional Abuse - How to Break the Cycle of Financial Control
"Here's your monthly allowance, dear. It's yours to spend as you wish."... "By the way, please write a check to cover..." "And while you're at it, I'd like to review your checkbook to see how you are spending the rest." Sound familiar?
"Financial abuse" is the customary name for this form of spousal emotional abuse. It's one of the popular power and control tactics used to foster dependency and dominance in intimate relationships. Essentially, it violates one's personal autonomy and emotional...
Abusive Relationship Help - Changing the Dynamics of Abusive Relationships & Habits of Victimization
"When I tell you 'no' and you whine, get angry...etc, then my job is to simply allow you the space to experience that which you feel."
If you live in an abusive relationship or have left one, this probably doesn't sound familiar. But you know in your heart that if it were this way, your relationships would be more satisfying.
Who Owns Whose Upset
In abusive relationships here's what more typically happens. The controlling partner expresses a desire for something, and the less empowered...
Verbal Abuse in Marriage - How to Deal with Verbal Sniping in Abusive Relationships
Emotional verbal abuse in marriage is commonplace in couples of all walks of life. Sometimes it's an innocent reflexive gesture that comes out unconsciously. And other times, it's an oral blow intended to smack you across your heart and soul.
The question is what do you do in the moment it comes your way? And then, as a result of this, what follows?
Swallowing Emotional and Verbal Abuse
Spousal abuse survivors become accustomed to swallowing emotional and verbal abuse as though it was part...
Domestic Abuse Treatment - The Right Help for an Abusive Relationship
Domestic violence is recognized as a "condition" that exists within an intimate relationship. But its source is intra-psychic, meaning arising out of an individualnamely, the batterer. Most people will acknowledge this as true.
I often hear domestic violence survivors tell me that they want to help their partners once they learn of the intra-psychic issues underlying their partner's inappropriate abusive aggression. The question is, how?
Abuser as Victim
Months and, in some cases, years...
Abusive Relationship Signs - Endlessly Inadequate in the Presence of Your Abusive Spouse
"When you walk through that door, my time becomes your time." Sound familiar?
The question I have is, "Is it good or is this bad?" That could go either way depending on how you experience yourself when you are with him...when you give to him...when he wants from you...when he gives to you.
If you are in an abusive relationship, you may notice that you step out when your abusive spouse steps in. It may be that you believe you need to be "all about him" when he shows up, because being about...
Domestic Violence Divorce - The Key to Legal-Psychiatric Abuse Prevention
For over a decade, I have been writing about domestic violence divorce and legal-psychiatric abuse to help battered mothers in family court. There's no question in my mind that people who are re-victimized by a perpetrator's use of the system know who they are. They know when this is happening to them.
But, more often than not, they lose sight of the abuse dynamics in play and fail to identify the actual players. Then there are those survivors who know the dynamics and players, but remain...
Domestic Violence Self Help - How to Find Your Answers from Within
There are no "right" or "wrong" answers when it comes to domestic violence. Each situation is as unique as each person living it. You heard me. There are as many variations to this story as there are people living it. So, don't let anyone tell you what you "should" or "shouldn't" do.
Far too often survivors of domestic abuse look to other people for answers to questions that truly lie within. They pursue the "wisdom" of those they pay for legal advice to those that shelter them from the...
Domestic Violence Treatment: Healing the Two Sides of Boundary Issues in Abusive Relationships
People say that domestic violence victims have serious boundaries issues...which they do. And so do the perpetrators that they live with. It comes with the territory of being in an abusive relationship.
You might think of it as two people having a tolerance for the actions of the other. Or, it can be seen as operant conditioning in play wherein one person conditions the other to surrender their boundaries for safety in the relationship. Abusive relationship help typically recognizes these...
Healing from Domestic Abuse - The Creation and Implication of Fuzzy Versus Firm Boundaries
People treat you the way you teach them to treat you. If you request and insist on your boundaries being honored, they will be. On the other hand, if you allow others to determine whether to respect your limits or not, then expect your boundaries to be treated as they wish to do so.
This is an important lesson for anyone who has ever been in an abusive relationship, either with a parent or with an intimate partner. It's a lesson that requires clear and focused integration and application, yet...
Domestic Violence Child Custody - King Solomon and the Fractured Child
I frequently hear patients tell me about their concerns over finding justice through the legal system when domestic violence is before divorce court. Just this week, three people cited a parallel with the King Solomon story.
The story is so very compelling that when you are living it, the biblical prose can be therapeutic. It certainly was for me in my court dilemma over a decade ago.
For those of you battling to have your voice and your child's voice heard in divorce court, sit back...take...
Daughter in an Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize Domestic Abuse and Inspire Healthy Change
When your adult child is in an abusive relationship, you feel helpless because you know that your efforts to impact change may indeed inflame matters. Yet, you know you can't sit still and pretend that all is well when it is not.
You know from her actions and inactions that she is pulling back from you. And you are very clear that her moves are not related to what's actually between the two of you. It is apparent to you that she wants to maintain peace in her own home and is being required to...
Emotionally Abusive Relationship Intervention - 3 Keys to Freeing Yourself from Emotional Abuse
A psychologist in India recently asked me to write about the following - How can a woman, one without access to professional help, take steps towards freeing herself from an emotionally abusive relationship?
As I think about this question, I realize that this was the inspiration for my writing in the first place. I wanted to reach battered women who requested, but could not afford, my professional services.
In my writings over the last three years, I have focused on the psychology of...
Healing Emotional Abuse - Boundary Issues of Domestic Violence
We hear about domestic abuse survivors' boundary issues as though this is what got them in the abusive relationship. Well, maybe it did. However, it's also true that their progressive dismantling of their personal boundaries is what keeps them safe while living in an abusive relationship.
If you are in an abusive relationship, you probably know what I mean. Now it may not necessarily be something that you are conscious of, but I trust you are aware of the fact that if you say "no," to...
Domestic Violence and Divorce - The Epidemic Facing Battered Mothers in Family Court
Battered mothers in divorce court often look like "swine flu" survivors that haven't realized they are part of an epidemic. These women are in awe over what is "happening" or has "happened" to them and their children.
They go into court expecting "justice" and walk out thinking they missed the boat or those on their ship merely kicked them off. And from here, they franticly reach out merely trying to stay afloat in the wake. They are perplexed as to why and how they end up with supervised...
Domestic Abuse Treatment - Changing Your Partner in an Abusive Relationship
Couples in Domestic Abuse Treatment get hung up on controlling each other's recovery. They each decide to make their relationship work and then they place their focus on the other's therapeutic process and progress.
It looks something like this...
"I need you to change yesterday." He wants to control her healing recovery process so she'll get on with loving him affectionately again. And she seeks to control his rehabilitation recovery process so she can feel safe and whole in his presence....
Spousal Emotional Abuse - How to Break the Cycle of Emotional Psychological Abuse
Emotional psychological abuse from your intimate partner is as clear as the day is long when on the receiving end. But for the bystanders, it's ambiguous.
Some people will even tell you that when you are the abused, on some level, you become a bystander. It is as though you take yourself out of the line of fire simply to survive the blows of spousal emotional abuse, and ultimately exist.
You hate being hated. Your tire of being told how inadequate you are, how you are...
Domestic Abuse Therapy - 4 Fundamental Steps to Dismantling Your Partner's Denial
You may be longing for help with domestic abuse, yet your partner is in complete denial. What do you do?
Some people shy away from getting help for domestic violence because they claim that their partner will "never" admit to being abusive. Well, this may be true, but this is certainly not a reason to allow things to remain status-quo.
Your partner's denial is the normal resistance in the initial stage of treatment. Domestic violence therapy is designed to help one overcome that very...
Domestic Violence Treatment - To Honor or to Attack as a Trainable Dimension in Abuse Treatment
You can only feel that which leaves me feeling comfortable. Sound familiar?
Battered women and abused men know that when they experience and express a feeling that is not in harmony with their abusive partner, then there will be a price paid.
Price for Your Experience Not Supporting Your Abusive Partner's Well-Being
It may be in the form of an argument, some name-calling, character assassination, or a full-blown fight over everything and nothing.
It is as though the abusive partner does...
Psychological Help for Patients Victimized by Intimate Partners: A Clinical Advocacy Model
When the family wants the patient sick, treatment and recovery are impossible. This is the way it usually appears for all practical purposes. Family members' defenses protect interpersonal and intergenerational dysfunction...unless the patient is internally inspired and externally supported to break the cycle.
As clinicians we know the patient's resistance is an integral part of the psychotherapeutic change process. And in the context of therapy we learn to work with it. We use it to create...
Healing Parental Alienation Abuse - Lost, Kidnapped Child as Trauma or as Love
Is your lost, kidnapped child your trauma or your love? Your answer to this question is the cornerstone to your healing the trauma of parental alienation abuse.
I was stunned into an appreciation of the trauma replacing love as I was watching Private Practice last night. Violet had suffered her unborn child having been ripped from her womb by one of her mentally ill patientsa violation like none other.
And then she could not bond with this baby. It was as though her trauma took over the...
Battered Women - When Mature Women Leave Abusive Relationships
"Dr. King, speak to how it is for the mature woman in an abusive relationship and how it is for her when she leaves," writes a reader.
My knee jerk response to this request was, "the dynamics are the same." Battering is battering is battering. An abuse dynamic that is long standing or discovered later in life resembles an abuse dynamic earlier in life.
If it is, indeed, "intimate partner violence," it will carry all of the defining characteristics of: controlling and possessive behavior,...
Readiness Assessment - How Do You Know When Someone Can Benefit from Psychotherapy?
? The patient's partner asks, "How do I know she can benefit from psychotherapy?" And I'm honored to have the answer roll right out of me.
This is a question that many family members have once they reach that point of doubt. You know what I mean. Doubt that the patient will be anything other than what they are.
It is also a question I get from the family members that are entangled co-dependently with the identified patient. It is the question of someone with resistance of their own....
Legal Domestic Abuse - The Reality of Family Violence and Institutionalized Abuse
When domestic abuse survivors show up in the system to protect their children and themselves from family violence, they can unknowingly step into "institutionalized abuse." This is especially true when they rely on family court to provide remedy for domestic violence.
What Is Institutionalized Abuse?
Institutionalized abuse is where one person willfully, openly and legally is taking advantage of and violating the rights and liberties of another person...all while being paid.
People...
Legal Psychiatric/Psychological Abuse - From Family to Court, from Court to Shrink
A survivor asks, "Once your abusive partner has used the legal system for further abuse, and final papers are filed with you having to see a psychologist of his choosing, what do you do? How do you turn the case around? He continues to threaten to take the children away."
When you are in this situation, it feels like something went "wrong." You ask yourself, "How is it that I'm the victim/survivor and I'm having to defend myself and prove my mental/emotional stability." Right?
If you are in...
Shedding Domestic Violence Survivor Habits: Who's Fault Is It?
? Most of the time what people do to us is not about us; it's all about them. But, when on the receiving end, we don't see it that way. We assume it is because of us.
This is especially true of domestic violence survivors, who have become accustomed to believing other people's actions toward them are their fault. It's part of the indoctrination of intimate partner violence: "You made me do it." "You made me say it, feel it, think it..."
Domestic Abuse Survivor Faulty Thinking
If you are a...
Healing from Domestic Abuse - How to Know if You Will Avoid Another Abusive Relationship
People say once a victim, always a victim. I beg to differ.
Over the years I have been watching men and women grow to become self-sufficient, self-respecting people who have no tolerance for being abused any more. These people have completely healed from domestic abuse.
How do you know if you are going to be one of these people versus the person that ends up in another abusive relationship? Here are some pointers for knowing you're home free when it comes to being victimized by intimate...
Spousal Legal Abuse -- Sticks and Stones in Family Court
I hear battered women's outrage over what their opposition says about them in divorce court. They take it to heart and integrate the slanderous comments as though they really are the picture painted by the other side.
Best part of it is they usually are not correct in their assumptions and beliefs. Part of my job then becomes helping them awaken to this...and, of course, become enlightened warriors during the warfare and thereafter.
If you are a domestic violence survivor in divorce court...
Domestic Abuse Survivors - Obtaining Inner and Outer Wealth after Your Abusive Relationship
"How does a woman that has been out of the workforce for 20 years get the training and job skills that are needed to reenter the workforce, as well as overcome the emotional issues related to a lack of self-worth? And further, how is this done in the current employment environment?"
I hear this question over and over again. So let's break it up into its obvious three parts and offer you an answer.
1) How do you acquire the training and skills to reenter the workforce?
Let's say you are...
Legal Abuse - Does the System Not Work, or Do You Not Know How to Work the System?
? Battered women and uninformed bystanders frequently say that the system doesn't work. While it may not be perfect, it most certainly works. The real problem is most people don't know how to work the system.
Domestic abuse survivors go to divorce court expecting it to remedy abuse. Well, that's like going to your gynecologist when you have a toothache. Your OBGYN is not trained in, nor equipped to, treat problems with your teeth.
And in the same way the divorce court is not the legal venue...
Psychological Legal Abuse - When Your Psychotherapy Is the Victim
We all know that when we see a victim of domestic abuse, there are other people impacted by this person's victimization. Some are affected directly, some indirectly, some intentionally and some inadvertently.
Now if you've read my writings, you know I address the impact of intimate partner violence on survivors, on children, on batterers in divorce, and on the healthcare providers employed.
Come with me and let's look closer at the impact of this dynamic on your therapy. Let's say you and...
Domestic Abuse Help - Why Marital Therapy Is Not the Treatment of Choice
Battered women, who have not yet declared themselves as domestic violence victims, but know that their partners are abusive, have many questions when it comes to therapy.
Often they want to see a therapist with their partner in hopes to remedy the marriage. However, marital therapy is the worst thing they can do for their marriage and for themselves. Here's why...
What You Can Expect from Your Partner in Marital Therapy
1) If your partner is charming, assertive, manipulative and...
Domestic Violence Counseling: When the Counselor Becomes Your Enemy
I often hear domestic violence survivors complain that the counselor they are seeing with their partner has sided with him/her. These victims expected to seek therapeutic remedy for the dysfunction that they live, and they discover they have gained another "enemy."
Here are some things you will want to know if you are going to a therapist with your partner for domestic abuse.
1) Expect the therapy to be fertile ground for a continuation of what you experience in the privacy of your own home....
Mothers Without Custody: Grieving the Loss of Your Stolen Children
One of the most crippling life losses is the loss of a child to legal domestic abuse. Routinely, we are approached by women denied access to their children and grandchildren because of the whim of former abusive partners or family members.
The pain they bear is beyond words. So, I won't pretend to suggest we can actually capture the depths of their despair in this article. But I will tell you some of what they say and of what I know firsthand.
1) At first, there is the utter disbelief. "How...
Healing from Emotional Abuse: Mastering Mind-Emotion-Body Connection in Healing for Emotional Abuse
The mind-emotion-body connection is something some of us take for granted, while others remain in awe. I do both.
Now here is a little psychological insight that will open doors for your recovery from psychological, mental and emotional abuse.
Go ahead and get your coffee or herbal tea because we're going to have another one of those psychological conversations.
Thought-Emotion-Physiology
When a little thought registers in our mindswhen we intentionally or unconsciously think a...
Domestic Violence Survivor's Health: 7 Secrets for Successful Weight Management for Abuse Survivors
We hear it all the time: "You're too fat." "Your hair is too short, too long, you're a dummy, you're too fat, you can't, you won't, you shouldn't, you're too fat!" Sound familiar.
It's no wonder that domestic abuse survivors develop dysfunctional relationships with their bodies and unhealthy eating habits. Far be it for him to see me enjoying a candy bar...so I'll sneak it in and have it while alone in my car.
As one survivor shared, pulling out that snickers in the privacy of her car was...
Abusive Relationships and Self-Care: The Impact of Meditation on Abusive Relationships
If you want to know if your partner is a classic abuser, learn meditation and do your practice when it fits into your life, rather than when he/she is around.
Here's what you will discover. Your partner will not be able to tolerate the fact that you may be having a marvelous time: a) in his/her absence, and b) in your solitude.
So he/she will be knocking at the door, interrupting your practice. He/She may demand to have the conversation that you longed to have days and weeks before. He/She...
Leaving an Abusive Relationship - What You Must Know to Leave an Abusive Relationship Safely
Often times we hear that leaving an abuser, can be deadly. According to FBI reports 75% of all homicides by intimate male partners occurred after the victim left.
Battered women are far more vulnerable to physical attack as well as attacks to their personal privacy, their civil liberties and their parental rights after they leave. Now you might ask why.
Why are battered women at greater danger when they leave?
When a victim leaves an abusive relationship and moves out, the mere physical...
Family Violence Healing - Writing about a Mother's Nightmare of Abuse Beyond Control
Where did you get the where-with-all to write your book (All But My Soul) people continue to ask seven years after its publication. This question has been presented to me so many times, I'm compelled to give you the answer in this article.
I didn't write it; it wrote itself. Now I know that sounds ridiculous on face value, but that's actually what did indeed happen. Here's how.
Why I Wrote All But My Soul
First, I've known since the 80's through studying the work of James Pennebaker, Ph.D....
After the Abusive Relationship - Long-Term Aid for Domestic Abuse Survivors
Do what you're called to do and the universe will support you. You've probably heard this, but may be scratching your head thinking about your bills, responsibilities and all of the what ifs...
This is understandable. So rather than jump in with blind faith, I want to invite your everyday casual, rational mind to do what you're called to do. And then, address the missing link domestic abuse survivors commonly bring to the table.
Doing What You're Called to Do Is Your JOB
When you're doing...
Identifying an Abusive Relationship: The Power of a Diagnosis in Ending Domestic Abuse
The value of the diagnostic label has more to do with the way it impacts the person with the condition than anything else.
Can you remember a time in your life when you had a medical condition and you received a diagnosis that immediately lifted the weight off your shoulders and sent you to remedy your condition. My sense is the "propelling one into remedy" can happen no matter what the diagnosis. This is what I call the power of the label.
Before we give a specific condition a name, it is a...
Healing from Emotional Abuse and the Physical Injuries of Domestic Violence
Each time I encounter the body's ability to heal itself, I'm in awe. And to witness the role of intention in this is even more mind-boggling.
As domestic violence survivors, you know the scars and wounds of battering. Did you know you can have a very active role in healing these injuries?
I'm going to insert an earlier writing of mine in which I'm reflecting on a milestone in my own process dating back to 1988, because it says it from that battered place common to domestic abuse survivors....
Healing from Domestic Violence - The Rapture and Remedy of Writing for Domestic Abuse Survivors
I notice that when people are told to write as a) a way to keep records of the ongoing abuse episodes and domestic altercations, or b) for the healing effect, they recoil.
If I didn't know better I'd think they felt as though they were getting an assignment right out of grade school. And since we know the authority issues in their lives make this rather undesirable, it is understandable why one would not want to journal. However...
Here is why this is doing oneself a disservice. If you...
Healing from Abuse - How Wakeful Rest Can Heal and Enhance Health for Domestic Violence Survivors
Tell me more about the "wakeful rest," asks my proofreader. Well certainly, I think to myself. There is nothing I'd rather talk (write) about more.
What is the wakeful rest? Ahhh, that is the magic...the gold...the sweet spot, wherein the mind and body mend.
But before I lose myself in this discussion, let's not lose site of your question. How is this relevant to me, as a domestic abuse survivor?
To answer both of these questions, I want you to know had I not been meditating over the years...
After the Abusive Relationship - Remedies for What Next: Do What You Love
Leaving an abusive relationship is more like leaving your life because often one has to walk away from their home and family and friends, simply to get their safety and well-being back. And once on the other side of the abusive relationship, many say "Now what?"
Here's What's Next: Do What You Love
Find some activity that when you do it, you long to do more of it. This is what you're "called" to do. And when you do, you not only serve yourself, you serve all those needing the answers you...
Abusive Relationship Healing - 7 Secrets for Greater Well-being after an Abusive Relationship
Adversity is part of life. It comes in all shapes and sizes. It's not what happens to you; it's what you do about it that matters most.
Battered women also come in all shapes and sizes. And I'm convinced that what they choose to do with their circumstances, after the fact, is far more important to the bigger picture of their lives than anything else.
Here are some things that will increase your well-being after an abusive relationship.
1) Keep yourself in a place of pure positive energy...
Domestic Violence Survival Tips: 3 Keys to Surviving the Conditioning in an Abusive Relationship
Understanding the conditioning that occurs in abusive relationships is key to one's survival in, and after, the relationship. Here are three keys to help you see the role and effects of conditioning in abusive relationships.
1) You did not make him/her do it or say it.
You probably know this from the core of your being, but may have trouble believing it with your thinking brain, due to the ongoing conditioning that happens in abusive relationships. With most things in the relationshipwhen...
Healing in Abusive Relationships: 7 Secrets to Successful Survival in an Abusive Relationship
Far too often, we hear individuals in abusive relationships seeking to change their partners in order to change their relationship. While it is true that a change in either person will change the overall dynamic of the relationship, changing one's partner is only an option if it is partner-self-initiated.
Rather than holding onto something that is essentially out of one's controlactually not one's businesslook to changing what is within your control and is indeed your business: yourself. In...
Abusive Relationship Healing - 5 Tips for Lifting Depression after Your Abusive Relationship
It is common knowledge that when one is beaten down, they feel beaten down. So it's no wonder that domestic abuse survivors frequently suffer from depression. We see this in individuals living in an abusive relationship, and in those having left their abuser.
What is it that makes it possible for these people to heal their depression? The following actions to avoid, and steps to take, are essential to the resolution of depression for domestic abuse survivors.
1) Stop Negative self-talk
Even...
Domestic Violence Healing - Psychophysiological Illnesses of Emotional Verbal Abuse
Migraines, irritable bowel syndrome, essential hypertension, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), insomnia, chronic anxiety, depression are just a few of the ongoing complaints of domestic abuse survivors. And it's not surprising.
These conditions are ALL mediated by the sympathetic nervous systema system perpetually "on" for individuals whose lives are entangled in domestic abuse.
Stemming back to our caveman ancestors, we inherited a physiology that is built to protect us from the...
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