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? I recently wrote an article in which I explained that any relationship has a natural duration, after which it ends - unless the people in the relationship hold on to the relationship for dear life.
This raised a question about marriage vows. Divorce statistics prove to us time and again that despite the religious and legal pressure on us, marriages do not last for ever - they do not even last for a lifetime.
And even where a marriage lasts for a lifetime, people often tell me that they...
•Letting Go of a Relationship
Why is it that we hold on to relationships long past their natural end?
Think of a friendship that no longer exists. Do you still remember how your friend insulted or deserted you? You gained new friends, but you still feel that hurt.
Remember that supervisor who made your life such hell that you left to get a new job? You smile every time you think what a sad sod that supervisor is, and how much better off you are now. Or you still resent the opportunity that you missed as a result of...
•Who is in Command?
? I am always fascinated about how our questions get answered - and sometimes how we are steered in a direction without even asking the question.
Someone very dear and close to me is at a point where he has no dignity or quality of life left. He had told me in so many words that he is not afraid of dying. Yet he is still holding on to life while his mind and body are shutting down at an alarming rate. It breaks my heart to see a man stripped of everything, and to see the effect on other...
•I Love Bullies
Yes, I do.
Throughout my life I have had to deal with bullies. Some of my first memories are of my mother mistreating me physically and emotionally. I encountered numerous bullies as colleagues, and too many of them used me for target practice. I also married a man who nearly destroyed me emotionally, and I had other relationships and friendships that did nothing for my self-esteem.
The treatment I had from my mother led me to much introspection. I just could not understand why she...
•Why the Secret Causes Stress
By now we all know the Secret: decide what you want, and believe that it will come your way. The more you believe, the quicker it comes your way. Right? Then why does it not work? Why are we not all very rich and healthy and happy by now?
There are a few other factors that we need to be aware of when we want to apply the Secret.
The first factor is our own resistance against anything new. You say you don't resist anything new? OK, let's try this. Let me tell you that I have...
•Are you doing Job's job?
? Here is an interesting piece of information: I looked up the meaning of the word "job" in the dictionary. The meanings included "task, chore, difficulty, problem, trouble, hard time".
This reminded me of a biblical figure called Job, whose name means "persecuted, afflicted, adversity".
Is there some message in there? I wonder.
Have you been made redundant recently? It is interesting how such an experience impacts not only on you, but also on your colleagues who are not made redundant....
•How to Live an Authentic Life
Are you living an authentic life? How would you know where to find the answer to this question?
Frank Joseph said "Following a vocation, that inner call, is not self-indulgence or an excuse for laziness. Doing what one really wants to do is hard work, but it is self-fulfilling as nothing else can be. It is the ultimate key to personal happiness in the physical world."
These words have given me much comfort at a time when my career and life have fused in a direction which I least...
•How to Turn Sleepless Nights into Sweet Dreams
This is a quote from the Wall Street Journal in September 2009: "A recent study reported that 52% of working French don't sleep well on Sunday night. But work-related stress is not a French disease, and is ubiquitous and severe in all developed economies. In the U.K. and U.S. 70% of employees don't sleep well on Sunday night either."
That means probably about 19 302 500 French workers, 98 413 700 Americans and 21 700 000 British people spent their Sunday nights tossing and turning in...
•How to have a New Year free of stress
At the time of writing this article, the year 2010 is just over 6 weeks away. That will be the beginning of a new decade. It feels like yesterday when we were celebrating the new millennium and the birth of a new world.
What happened to your New Year's resolutions for 2001? And for the subsequent years? Has your life improved significantly over the past decade as a result of your New Year's resolutions and all the changes you have made in your life? Has your life become completely...
•The Truth About Stress Relief
Is life stressful? Yes, of course. Are there ways to relieve stress? Yes, of course.
For most people the way to relieve stress is to take a tranquilliser, a sleeping pill, a cigarette or a drink of alcohol. Do any of these crutches relieve stress? No, they don't. They simply dull the symptoms of stress.
And the more people rely on these chemical crutches for stress relief, the more they get stressed, because now their bodies have to fight the stress as well as the chemical imbalances....
•Shop Assistants: Our New Conscience
Are you tired from work today? Are you putting your feet up and having a drink?
Before you take another sip, let me ask you: who gave you permission to have that drink?
If you are saying it is none of my business, you are right. However, if I was a shop assistant in the UK, it could easily have been my business.
Of course you are an adult and you can decide when, where and how much you want to drink. And chances are that you are a generation older than the average shop assistant.
How...
•You Cannot See The Picture When You Are in The Frame
Have you ever had one of those experiences where you ask yourself "Why have things gone so wrong for me? What have I done to deserve this?"
I have had many of them over the years. When I was still a church goer, the standard sanctimonious answer was "Just suffer through it. One day you will see the reason why God has punished you like this, and then you will understand."
It made no sense to me whatsoever that this old man with a beard sitting up there in the clouds would "punish" me with...
•It is true because I was told it is true
How many things do you believe because someone else tells you that it is true?
Let me give you an example. When you are a child, you trust people and do not question what your parents tell you. As you gain life experience, your parents are there to guide you and teach you how to interpret your experiences.
What do your parents base their teachings on? Of course on their own experiences.
I remember about twenty-five years ago bar codes were introduced in South Africa.
There were people...
•Can we heal the world with Love?
? Hello lovely people
Justice or mercy? The more emotional the issue, the more divided the opinions. Should we insist on justice, knowing that justice always have consequences? Should we show mercy and always try and understand the other side of the coin? Or should public opinion be the determining factor?
In the past weeks a number of these emotional issues have been in the headlines.
In May Burma's military regime jailed and charged the pro-democracy opposition leader, Aung San Suu...
•Let's Play Soldiers
I have been bothered about the fuss over the deaths of soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan for a long time, but could not quite put my finger on the reason for feeling bothered about it.
Was my concern about the fact that people died? Not really. People die, and that is a law of nature. People choose to die in many different ways, and that is destiny.
Was my concern about soldiers dying in a war? No. This was more sadness about the choices that these soldiers made. But then they planned...
•Heard the one about the elephant and the ant?
? Did you know that there is an ant colony that lives on three continents? Seriously. There is a colony of Argentine ants that has spread to Europe and Japan, of course with some help from people. One colony spreads over 6 000 km (3 700 miles) along the Mediterranean coast. The second one extends over 900 km (560 miles) in California in the US. The third colony is in Japan. Researchers discovered that these ant colonies share a very similar of hydrocarbons in their cuticles, and they are...
•Let there be light - and there was Obama
The Universe is about balance. People and this world are about division and separation. The news media show us the beautiful dance of separation on a daily basis.
For example, president Obama shows off his excellent eye-hand coordination by swatting a fly while being interviewed on television. The world is in awe of a president that can kill flies with his own hands - what was that again about small things amuse small minds? PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) are upset...
•Did Michael Jackson die because of foul play?
? It is always interesting to see how people respond to death. The reaction is often so predictable, even though people that lose a loved one believe that the experience is so unique that nobody will understand them.
Of course the latest example is the passing of Michael Jackson. The first, very predictable response was denial. When the news broke, over sixteen million people did not believe what they had heard and turned to the internet to get the right facts and confirmation. The impact...
•Our shadow selves make bad decisions
Have you ever been in a position where you made a decision because you felt at the time that you had to, even though your mind was woolly and the world was unreal? I am sure you lived to not only regret that decision, but also to ask yourself "What had gotten into me when I decided that?"
And it is possible that at the time you were recently traumatised, for example being widowed, walking away from a very destructive relationship, being forced to leave a job, and so on.
Such experiences...
•Faceboook and ministerial expenses - our common enemy
I have found a way to do exactly as I please and get away with it. It is so simple that I cannot believe I have never used it before.
All I have to do is point to someone who may be remotely associated with me, and say "They made me do it".
I have excellent examples of where this has worked. The first example is the parliamentary expenses system in the UK. Ministers who are entrusted with the welfare of people were caught with their hands in the proverbial cookie jar. Their claims for...
•We really DO live a dream
Sometimes I am astonished at the information that has been available to us for years and years, and how we have to first struggle with our lives before we find the information and things suddenly fall into place . . .
I have been wondering for a very long time about giving people clairvoyant messages and then I tell them that they have choices. Often my messages tell them about various choices and the outcome of each, and at the same time I can give them an overview of the eventual choice...
•The curse (or blessing) of the green car
The curse (or blessing) of the green car Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you knew you were doing a stupid thing, but somehow you could not stop yourself? Then you would also know how it feels to be unable to kick your own backside, and you are too embarrassed to tell anyone else to do it. I will tell you about this because I know I can trust you not to tell anyone else.
My nightmare started with a green car. If I was the Queen, I would have outlawed green cars.
Here...
•Where is the happiest place on earth?
? I found some interesting research on the happiest places in the United Kingdom. A team of researchers representing the Universities of Sheffield and Manchester did a study of personal well-being based on geographical areas.
They found that the happiest place in Britain is the county of Powys in Wales - ironically also the most sparsely populated county in Wales. Would that be because there is no need there to keep up with the Joneses, or because the Joneses live too far away to cause...
•Pointing to the moon
I recently heard an interesting little tale on the radio.
A Chinese sage called Ee Tu lived high on a hilltop in ancient China. The sage was known far and wide, and many people flocked to him to hear his wisdom.
There was a large army that marched past the hilltop, and the General that led the army stopped so that he could also hear some of the wisdom of the sage. At the time Ee Tu was busy meditating, and nobody wanted to disturb him. The General then left a message, inviting Ee Tu for...
•I always get the perfect parking space
I want to talk today about something that we tend to take for granted when it suits us, but we disbelieve when we are made aware of us.
I am referring to the amazing ability we have to know what will happen to us before it happens. Sometimes we have as little as five seconds prior notice, and other times we have as much prior notice as we decide we want.
For example, you think of someone and the phone rings and the caller is the person you have been thinking about. Or for a few days you...
•Returning to the fold
I am fascinated by how the mind and brain works and how our thought processes are shaped. How do we grow new habits? How do we change our thought processes?
I read an analogy the other day that made a lot of sense to me.
The author compared our minds to a piece of paper that is folded. Try this: fold a piece of paper, then fold it again. Then put the piece of paper down. When you pick it up, the easiest fold to reach is the most recent one.
Our thoughts are the same. Whenever we have...
•Abundance in the time of the credit crunch
We are experiencing a credit crunch. Or at least, many people are buying into that reality. But I don't.
Am I rich? My family love to think so, and because they do, they help me to create abundance by thinking of my abundance all the time. And I am not going to stop them. There will come a day, soon, when all their thoughts about my abundance and my own creation of abundance will result in physical abundance. I will thank them for their share in the process, but I will not stop their...
•I am not giving you anything
Anybody who loves reading and especially authors know how important a catching title is.
You can think up the most appropriate and most descriptive title, only to discover - yet again - that there is nothing new under the sun and someone has beaten you to it, or you can have a title that you think is perfect, but nobody else does.
And let's face it, when we buy or select books to read, we in fact select titles and authors before we select the contents. The titles first catch our eyes, and...
•Chinese whispers and American foreign policy
Sometimes I am astonished at real things that happen - even if you dream up the most absurd scenario, you can always find something that actually happened that is more absurd.
What I have found most amusing is the foreign policy credentials of Sarah Palin. This unknown woman - unknown in the sense that she was a well-known achiever in Alaska with a reasonably normal life until John McCain and the press discovered her - has not had many trips outside of the US. This made people question her...
•The light is worth the candle
In the "good" old days coal miners in England and Wales were dirt poor - too poor to even afford candles to light their houses. In a British winter that is a serious problem, because in mid-winter we are lucky to have eight hours of daylight. And those eight hours are often quite dark anyway because of cloudy weather.
When a person gets a bit down and depressed in South Africa, people tend to say "It is OK, tomorrow the sun will shine again." You cannot say that in the UK, because we may...
•Water from Outer Space
We know that eight glasses of water every day will ensure good health, but few people have the discipline to do it. Will we change our attitude and habits if we know that water is not just a fluid, but a live entity from outer space that communicates with us?
Think about it. What other fluid can change to a solid state (ice) or evaporate and form steam? Our bodies are 90% water when we are born, and 70% water when we mature. When water freezes over a lake, everything under the ice layer...
•Are you contributing to crime by reading the newspapers?
? Yes, I am making the shocking allegation that you are aiding and abetting crime by simply reading the newspaper, but hear me out.
Let me give the background first. There have been at least eighteen victims of knife crime in London over the period of eight months since January 2008. Newspaper reports indicate that the number of people charged with knife crimes have fallen by 50%, and at the same time the number of teenage murders involving knifes have risen dramatically.
A teenager that...
•Can we stop the suicides in Bridgend?
? There is a village in Wales in the UK, between Cardiff and Swansea, where 17 young people have committed suicides. The facts are not consistent - when did this start? If Natasha Randall was the twelfth victim in thirteen years, as one newspaper claims, who was the first, and exactly when did the first suicide occur? Did seven more people from the area commit suicide since 2006, or was it closer to twelve more?
But the speculation is consistent - certain websites are to be blamed, there...
•Buy one, get one free or bogof
Some people look at me with a funny expression when I tell them that we create our own reality. They say that reality is there, and all we can do is live it. But at the same time they allow other people to create their reality, and they never question it.
Let me give you some examples of how retailers create a reality that we swallow hook, line and sinker every time.
I will base my examples on UK retailers, but I am quite sure these practices are not unique to the UK.
A large chain of...
•Unhappy Families are a Blessing
I am currently reading a fascinating book about Henry VIII and his six wives. The author of the book states that happy families all resemble one another, while unhappy families are unhappy in their own unique ways.
And Henry VIII was very good at creating unique unhappy families. He was married six times. During an age where divorce was the last option and the divorce of a monarch was unthinkable, he divorced his first wife, had the second one beheaded, lost the third in child-birth,...
•The sky is the limit
I have recently had one of those moments where the little globe in my head popped and became a massive chandelier that waved at me, and I experienced an amazing moment. I followed this up by breaking an inch-thick piece of wood with one hand, but that is another story.
I want to take a step back and give you some background from quantum physics - don't worry, it will be easy.
In the 17th century, when scientists became aware of atoms, they believed that atoms looked like billiard balls....
•I am 50 years young
I recently celebrated my 50th birthday. It was a wonderful day with family, friends, good weather, good food, lots of laughter, reminiscing and loads of love.
I was a little bit off balance before the birthday, because for some reason 50 seemed to me the beginning of the end. But then I have wonderful friends that I can discuss these things with, and they helped me to get perspective.
My mother died at the age of 53 in very sad circumstances. I have made different choices, and will not...
•If only . . . if only . . .
Why is it that getting away from our unhappiness is far more important than being happy with what we have? Why do we spend so much effort on wishing for what we do not have?
It is because we do not understand Universal Law of balance and gratitude.
Let me give you some examples that you would probably associate with.
"If I could win the lottery, I will never be unhappy about money again. I would have enough money for the rest of my life and I would make all my dreams come true."
Er . . ....
•Xenophobia, or hate your neighbour like yourself
I have recently returned from a trip to South Africa, where I was born and spent my first forty three years in this life.
A week before I went there, serious xenophobic attacks broke out and sadly, many people met a violent end.
I was asked by friends in the UK whether I thought it was wise to go there, and my answer was yes, of course, because South Africa is a country with forty four million caring, loving, hospitable people, and one million people that represent our dark side.
The day...
•When staying in a hotel, wear pyjamas
What is the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you? Try and beat this one.
I recently had to attend an evening meeting in Kent, south of London. I was due in London early the next morning. Rather than risk missing the last train home, I decided to stay over in a hotel.
London budget hotels are generally an embarrassment to the city, but I managed to get a decent room at a very good price in a place called Orpington, close to where my meeting was.
I went to bed at 11pm and did...
•Eating the forbidden fruit
I always find it fascinating that in one aspect, all adults act like obstinate children without being aware of it. We judge each other.
The only sermon I remember from my church-going days was about the Ten Commandments. The preacher had a revolutionary approach to them, in that he said that you do not HAVE to obey them. He said the real meaning was that you could ignore them, but then you would have to take full responsibility for your actions. That made sense to me.
I realized in later...
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