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? Has anyone ever said to you, "If you loved me, you would do what I ask?" If they did, I imagine it felt like a "guilt trip." "If you love me, you should do what I want," is control. It is coming from the person's fear and not their love. This is one common way people abuse the concept of love.
For example, when Steve and Amy were married, they were not interested in practicing religious rituals. Two years later, Steve suddenly told Amy, "I want us to celebrate the Saturday Sabbath. I don't...
•Successful Relationships Are Blocked by Our "Walls"
Are you struggling in your relationship? Have you been feeling frustrated, because you have trouble meeting a partner? The cause may be your defense mechanism that keeps you safe but not satisfied. Find out if you are actually pushing away the love you desire and deserve.
As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I have had the opportunity to help many men and women identify and overcome their blocks to love. For example, Maria, a 29-year-old massage therapist, succeeded in removing her emotional...
•Peace and Joy: The Next Twelve Commandments
Many people honor the Ten Commandments and try to live by them. The belief is that a long, long time ago, God gifted us with these guidelines. In this more complex world, we can use twelve more to steer us in positive personal and global ways.
The following are my ideas for the next Twelve Commandments. To be consistent with the first ten, I started with "Thou Shalt." However, if you have a problem with that, just read the rest of the sentence. Your hearts will probably resonate with these...
•Help for Parents Suffering from Empty Nest Syndrome
Do you have children who left, or will soon leave home to venture out into the world on their own? Congratulations! You have done your job well of preparing them for life as independent adults. However, if you feel lonely, and/or suffering from illness, or pain that won't go away no matter what you do, you may need help dealing with the Empty Nest Syndrome.
For example, Paul and his only child, Gary, were very close. They both loved to construct things, fix cars, and read mechanical...
•Healing The "Imposter Syndrome"
Do you ever feel as though you are hiding who you really are? Are you afraid that if people knew your secrets, you would not be liked or respected? If you do, you are not alone. Many people feel like an imposter. Their stress level is high, because they worry about their truth being revealed.
I learned about this concept in the course of counseling many clients, as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. One example is the case of John, a 38-year-old vice president of a large company....
•Shy No More
If you were describing your personality, would ''shy'' be included? If you answered, "Yes," you are not alone. Many people suffer from this anxious feeling. I often hear people say, "That is the way I am," as if they are stuck with shyness the rest of their lives. Fortunately, that is not true. As a Marriage, Family Therapist, I have helped many men, women, and children overcome this limiting, uncomfortable feeling.
For example, Penny, a twenty-seven-year-old, attractive blond, felt shy and...
•Prevent Serious Health Problems!
Do you have a high pain threshold? The good news is that you probably do not feel much pain. However, the dangerous side is that you are less likely to be aware of the warning signs your body is giving you. Or, if you feel some pain and ignore it, the physical problem is likely to become more serious.
On the contrary, Judy has a very low pain threshold and sometimes feels frustrated, because she quickly experiences discomfort or pain when she is not taking care of her health. However, Judy...
•How to Heal Depression
Are you tired of feeling depressed? Would you like to find out the causes of this draining emotion so that you can heal yourself? Early in my practice as a Marriage and Family Therapist, I learned some very interesting aspects of this debilitating emotion that robs us of our health and happiness.
To begin with, I discovered from my clients that depression is anger turned inward. Anger is a secondary emotion. Under this feeling is fear, hurt, and/or powerlessness. I also learned that there...
•Blame Causes Pain in All Relationships
Susan blamed her husband, Stan, for all their problems. Of course, he felt terrible and responded by being passive aggressive. When he was home, Stan spent a lot of his time at his computer. In this vicious cycle, Susan kept verbally attacking her husband and Stan kept shutting down. Because the couple was stuck in their dysfunctional behaviors, they remained in emotional pain. Can you relate to this drama? Unfortunately, it is not uncommon.
In an alternative pattern, Melissa and John were...
•Why Our Lovers Are Attracted to Our Best Friends
In the movie, "Hope Floats," with Sandra Bullock, her husband walks out to pursue a relationship with her best friend. Ouch! Unfortunately, this is a common happening. Infidelity is painful enough without your best friend being the other person. Do you know of anyone who has had this painful experience?
As a Marriage, Family Therapist, I had the opportunity to uncover this problem with clients. For example, Frank and his wife bought a resort in the country. They hired his best friend, John,...
•Knowledge VS Wisdom
Are you aware that there is a big difference between knowledge and wisdom? Believe it or not, this information can transform your life. It definitely has affected my life in many profound ways.
Simply stated, knowledge comes from our wonderful minds. It is learned information, and referred to as our intelligence. The mind is logical and programmable and in our left brain. The dictionary says it is, "understanding based on experience." It is like a limited computer, because it only knows what...
•Why We Attract Partners Like Our Parents
If your loved one has similar behavior patterns as your mother or father, you are not alone. As a Marriage, Family Therapist, I discovered that this is a very common phenomenon. The puzzle is why men and women, who were verbally or physically abused, often pick partners who are stuck in the same dysfunctional patterns? You would think that they would choose the opposite personalities. Unfortunately, that is not usually the case.
To begin to understand this dilemma, it is helpful to realize...
•The Biggest Mistakes Couples Make
Would you like to know how to improve your loving relationship? Do you want to prevent the pitfalls of intimate partnerships so that you can maintain a long-lasting, healthy relationship?
As a Marriage, Family Therapist for 27 years, I counseled many couples who started off in bliss and were crying in despair over their crumbling union with their loved one. After exploring their issues, I often found the same mistakes that caused the couples to unconsciously destroy the very thing they...
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