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Clarifying Who You Are Seeking by Rinatta PariesPeople usually get what they want in one of two ways. Some people have vivid clarity about their desired outcome and it seems to magically materialize. Surely you know someone like this, or perhaps you are even one of these people. To learn more about how to attract an ideal mate in this way, read "The Power of Unwavering Belief"(http://www.whatittakes.com/Archive/Newsletter1to9/newsletter__7.shtml).Other people cannot create what they want as...
•Make 2002 Your Best Year Ever
Make 2002 Your Best Year Ever by Rinatta PariesMay your next year be magical, prosperous and overflowing with love!How will you make 2002 magical? Start by reviewing this passing year. Honor and celebrate all you have accomplished. Put behind you the things that did not work by looking for blessings in them. Reaffirm the flow of love between you and those important to you.Below are some questions to help you discover the gems of this year. Take time to answer with a few sentences each and...
•Out with the Old
Out with the Old by Rinatta PariesThink back to a situation where you felt resentful. Or think back to the last time your heart was broken. The next time you encounter a similar situation, will you be free to choose how you act, or will you instead automatically attempt to protect yourself? If you are like most people, the latter is true. And why wouldn't you protect yourself if you see hurt coming, right?Focusing your attention on self-protection prevents you from being fully present. You...
•Living Your Life Mission
Living Your Life Mission by Rinatta PariesIn last week's article (http://www.whatittakes.com/Archive/Newsletter30to39/newsletter__36.shtml), I asserted that defining and living your life mission can in fact make it easier to attract your ideal relationship. That's because simply living your life mission automatically attracts your ideal partner.Sounds simple, right? Well it is and it isn't. It's simple because people who are compatible with you will be drawn to you. But living your life...
•Relationship-Making
Relationship-Making by Rinatta PariesDo you know how to establish a new relationship to guarantee that it will meet all of your and your partner's relationship needs?Most people don't know how to do this. As a result, most relationships go through a predictable cycle:=> Honeymoon: 1 week to 3 months=> Struggle: Up to 3 years or more=> Negotiation and peace or breakupTo avoid this cycle and establish a nourishing relationship for both of you, you and your partner need to have a deep, extended...
•Ways to be Romantic
Ways to be Romantic by Rinatta PariesRarely does Valentine's Day pass by without your notice. Even if you are single and think the day has no significance, the day will arrive and you will want a relationship more than usual. If you are in a relationship and Valentine's Day does not get celebrated, it will leave hurt and resentment in its wake.I invite you to think of Valentine's Day as "Focus on Love Day," as opposed to "Hurt About Lack of Love Day" or "Ignore Being Single Day."Below you...
•Ask Right and You May Receive
Ask Right and You May Receive by Rinatta PariesHow easily do you get what you want from others? And how easy is it for you to ask for what you want or need?Perhaps you haven't worked up the courage to actually make the request you want to make. Or perhaps you've made several requests, but still find your needs unmet. If you're frustrated because you seem to be unable to get what you want and what you ask for, you're not alone.This happens in all types of relationships, including intimate and...
•Support Others in Transition
Support Others in Transition by Rinatta PariesIs someone you care about going through an ending or a difficult transition, feeling sad or grieving? Are you? Everyone experiences changes in life. With most endings and transitions -- such as job changes, the ending of a relationship, or the death of a loved one -- grief and sadness are a normal part of the process. Unfortunately, people experiencing grief and sadness are often given the message that they should do so in seclusion. While in...
•Mind-Reading Game
Mind-Reading Game by Rinatta PariesFor many people, dating and relationships are not about relating but about mind reading. Do you know what I mean? When you are starting to date someone, isn't your mind busy analyzing your date's every action? Does he like me? What does she mean by that? Will he call again? Did I say the right thing and will she take it wrong? Will he reject me or judge me? In a long-term relationship, it can be even worse. Will she nag me when I get home? Will he listen to...
•Ten Ways to Evolve, Part 1
Ten Ways to Evolve, Part 1 by Rinatta PariesOver the past decade, I've worked with thousands of individuals seeking ways to improve their ability to attract their ideal mate. As a result, I've created a list of ten most commonly prescribed personal development steps I recommend for those wanting to attract and create their ideal relationship. I'll share the first five steps with you today. Read next week's newsletter for the next five steps.1. Get complete with your past to break...
•Ten Ways to Evolve, Part 2
Ten Ways to Evolve, Part 2 by Rinatta PariesOver the past decade, I've worked with thousands of individuals seeking ways to improve their ability to attract their ideal mate. As a result, I've created a list of ten most commonly prescribed personal development steps I recommend for those wanting to attract and create their ideal relationship. Last week I shared the first half of the list. Today, we will round out the list with the last five personal development steps.Fortunately or...
•Reader Q&A
Reader Q&A by Rinatta PariesAbout every couple of months I answer readers' relationship questions. I try to answer questions in such a way as to both serve the person asking the question, while also sharing with all readers some relationship truth or principle I see as the underlying question. This month I am also adding a new highlight to the Q&A. The "Featured Question" can now be found at the end of the Q&A, and is picked because of its broad appeal. This question will get a much more...
•Overreaction
Overreaction by Rinatta PariesHas the following ever happened to you? You are discussing an issue with your partner when the discussion suddenly turns into a heated argument. Neither person knows what happened or how to make it better. A battle ensues and lots of feelings are hurt.This is overreaction in progress.If this sounds familiar, it's because most of us have been in this situation. Want to know how to deal with these types of situations and understand why they happen? Welcome...
•Journaling: Why, When and How
Journaling: Why, When and How by Rinatta PariesQuestion for singles:---------------------What do you do with your occasional feelings of loneliness, frustration with dating, perhaps frustration with yourself and/or the opposite sex? Do these feelings and thoughts run around and around in your head, interfering with your ability to think clearly, causing more frustration? Read below to learn how to get these thoughts and feelings out so you can have a more peaceful, more enjoyable...
•Compassion, Part 1
Compassion, Part 1 by Rinatta Paries"Before we can feel compassion for anyone else, we must learn to feel compassion for ourselves."~Unknown Webster's Dictionary defines compassion as the sympathetic consciousness of other's distress. But the first step toward having compassion for others is having compassion for yourself. It is the first step toward creating thriving relationships. It is the first step toward moving forward and growing your life. This is because we can never truly give to...
•Compassion, Part 2
Compassion, Part 2 by Rinatta PariesHaving compassion toward others is a gift of connectedness you give yourself and a gift of presence you give others. While difficult to define, compassion is a way of being, and you will see the definition emerge among the three concepts presented here.1. Compassion involves seeing others as "self."No matter how different others are, or how different their circumstances are from yours, we all want essentially the same things from life. We want happiness,...
•Five Ways to Improve Any Relationship
Five Ways to Improve Any Relationship by Rinatta PariesWant to improve your relationships, both romantic and otherwise? Want to grow in intimacy and closeness with your friends, family, co-workers, your special someone? Then include the following five easy steps into your interactions with those important to you.1. Acknowledge the big and the little things.People want to be seen. They want their actions, attitudes, feelings and aspirations to be noticed and acknowledged. Become a person who...
•Five Ways to Refresh Your Relationship
Five Ways to Refresh Your Relationship by Rinatta PariesA relationship is like a delicate rose bush. If you care for it, it will bloom year after year with unsurpassed beauty. If you don't, you might end up with a dull, lifeless entity that is struggling to survive.Below are five ideas to keep your relationship in bloom for years to come.If you are single, read these tips with an eye on what you will want to do in a long-term relationship. If you are in a relationship, pick one or two of the...
•Don't Look for Your Soul Mate
Don't Look for Your Soul Mate by Rinatta PariesIf you look for a soul mate, you are likely to find a relationship that leaves you bewildered and alone soon after it begins. Instead, look for a partner and a best friend to whom you are attracted.I hear it over and over again; "We were so compatible...we fell in love at first sight...we committed to each other right way...we had so much in common…it is as if we have known each other all of our lives...etc." Yet the relationship fell apart, my...
•Give Up to Get Love
Give Up to Get Love by Rinatta PariesMany times when people want to attract their ideal partner, they often make a list of things to do -- action steps, if you will -- that will help them meet "the one." They add new activities into their routine, join dating services, write singles ads. They may start an exercise program or buy new clothes in an effort to look better. They let their friends know they're "in the market."Seldom do people think of giving up something as a way to attract Mr. or...
•Body Imagitis
Body Imagitis by Rinatta PariesThere is a terrible disease among us. It primarily affects women and, to a smaller degree, men. It is a killer of self-esteem, self respect and joy. It's called "Body Imagitis" and it strikes people from all walks of life. Beautiful, heart-centered people stricken with this disease begin to believe they are not lovable and cannot have a relationship because their body is not the cultural ideal. The victims prevent themselves from bonding with others, sometimes...
•Fixing a Broken Partner-Picker
Fixing a Broken Partner-Picker by Rinatta PariesDo you have a broken partner-picker? Do you keep picking the wrong partners thinking they are the right ones, only to realize you once again picked the same kind of partner as in the past?If so, your partner-picker can be fixed. It just needs a little work. The following exercise will help you fix your partner-picker.1. Complete the following sentence with a few words that readily come to mind:All men or all women are...
•The Soul Mate Debate
The Soul Mate Debate by Rinatta PariesAre you looking or waiting for your soul mate? Many singles spend a lot of energy and time waiting and searching for their soul mate. But are soul mates found or created?The notion of soul mates stems from the concepts of reincarnation and karma. Soul mates are defined as two souls reincarnating alongside each other over and over again, playing different roles to each other, such as lovers, adversaries, parent and child, victim and murderer, coworkers,...
•Don't Compare Partners
Don't Compare Partners by Rinatta PariesHave you ever found yourself comparing your current partner to someone from your past, and finding your current partner lacking? Worse yet, have you found yourself telling your current partner he or she is being compared to someone in your past and falls short?What is it we are really after when comparing current and former partners? Do we want our current partners to be just like our exes? Probably not, or we would still be in thoserelationships. I...
•Leave Your Needs at the Door
Leave Your Needs at the Door by Rinatta PariesA good relationship enriches and enhances your life. Whether you can attract and create an enriching relationship partly depends on what you think a relationship will do for you.There are two approaches to creating relationships. Some people want a relationship in order get their needs met. These individuals tend to have a long list of needs they are not meeting anywhere else, and want met when they connect with a partner. Unfortunately,...
•Feel Your Grief
Feel Your Grief by Rinatta PariesI recently asked a friend of mine who has been single for several years if she was complete with her past relationships. It's been my experience that one cannot move forward into healthy new relationships until they are complete with their past. My friend said she had no feelings left about her old relationships.After a little prodding, she admitted she had managed to get over her divorce by getting into a relationship quickly after her marriage ended. "I was...
•Seeing Good or Available Partners
Seeing Good or Available Partners by Rinatta PariesSingles frequently complain to me that *all* men or *all* women are...well, they don't use a very flattering description. Another version of this is, "There are no good men or women left." Or its cousins, "There are no good men or women where I live," and "Where do I find good men or women?"My response is that we bring into our lives a reflection of what we believe and focus on. We are only able to see what we believe we will see. The belief...
•Ten Ways to Blow It in a Relationship
Ten Ways to Blow It in a Relationship by Rinatta PariesWhat do you do when you've attracted a lovely person into your life and now you're terrified you're going to blow it? Or, terrified it's going to end?Arm yourself with the following strategies, and you're sure to blow it in a relationship right from the start.1. Assume the person is your soul mate immediately upon meeting or shortly thereafter. Look for signs that faith has brought you together and be amazed by the correlations in...
•Easy Resolutions
Easy Resolutions by Rinatta PariesNew Year's Eve is the traditional time to make resolutions for the upcoming year. Most resolutions are about something we really, really want. Even if you are not the type who makes New Year's resolutions, notice that somewhere, quietly, in the back of your mind, you are probably making one anyway.The problem with resolutions, though, is that most people never keep theirs. And it's no surprise why. Most of us resolve for big things -- lose weight, get into a...
•Holiday Fun for Singles
Holiday Fun for Singles
by: Rinatta Paries
Are you dreading the holidays because you are single? For those who are alone, this can be a difficult season -- especially if you know what it is like to be in a relationship during this time of year. This can, however, be your best time of the year if you follow this plan:
1. Participate in Lots of Holiday Gatherings
Who knows? You may meet Mr. or Ms. Right at that next party. Or you may meet someone who knows someone who is right for you. And...
•Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 4
Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 4
by: Rinatta Paries
Finally, after all of the hard work you have done completing your past, here is a way to break your relationship pattern.
Relationship choices are often based on patterns created in our childhood. These patterns are automatic and subliminal. We believe ours is the way relationships ought to be.
There is no problem having a pattern that leads you to loving, satisfying, long-term relationships. However, many people have patterns...
•Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 3
Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 3
by: Rinatta Paries
Do you want to put to rest the people and situations from your past so they do not interfere with your current and future relationships?
I bet you said yes. Who doesn't have something in their past they want to put to rest? Then let's talk about what action steps you can take to create the absence of past -- or completion -- in your life.
Below are a series of action steps. You'll want to pick a few and repeat them until you...
•Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 2
Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 2
by: Rinatta Paries
The first step toward being able to attract and create your ideal relationship is to clear the way for it by eliminating baggage from your past. This baggage refers to any resentments, hurts, or fears you have toward anyone who either was a role model or who participated directly in a relationship with you.
Lots of people carry such baggage for a long time, some even for a lifetime. The sooner you can truly let go of this...
•Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 1
Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 1
by: Rinatta Paries
When you were little, you looked up to your parents. You imitated their mannerisms, words, and actions as you learned about life by watching them. This applies to relationships as well - you leaned about relationships by watching them.
Not all you learned about relationships came from your parents; your learning has continued throughout your life. But what you saw your parents do in relationships, how you interpreted what you...
•Ten Benefits of Having a Relationship Coach
Ten Benefits of Having a Relationship Coach
by: Rinatta Paries
As a Master Certified Relationship Coach, I work with singles to help them attract a great match and with couples to help put their relationships back on track. I hear great feedback from my clients about the value of coaching.
I think everyone can benefit from having a coach -- coaching can contribute that much to your life. Which is why you may be interested in seeing what some of my clients have said about the value they...
•How To Open Up While Staying Safe
How To Open Up While Staying Safe
by: Rinatta Paries
When you've had your heart broken in a relationship, it can be difficult to open up to love again and entrust your heart to another person.
Similarly, when your partner hurts you, it can difficult to open up and bring trust back into your relationship. It's hard to give your heart back to someone who has proven hurtful.
Yet, you want to love, you want to trust, you want to open up. And so you do. Throwing caution to the wind you open up...
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