I know you've dealt with a similar situation before. He forgot to take out the garbage when you asked him to, or perhaps he left his clothes on the bathroom floor again even when you have expressed to him how much you loathe picking up after him. You've really let him get to you you this time. "I hate you," you yell! "You never do anything that I tell you to do! If you truly loved me, you wouldn't just ignore everything I say all of the time." Is that really the truth, though?
Two people in a relationship, no matter how compatible they are, will disagree from time to time. Arguing is quite natural, and can often contribute to growth in the relationship provided that the disagreements are resolved to the satisfaction of both partners. The problem, however, is that most often, one partner chooses to settle even against his or her wishes, and one or both partners never reach a resolution that they are happy with.
Well, what are arguments really all about, exactly? No matter the real circumstances surrounding the argument, the underlying cause is nearly always based around you feeling like your needs are not being respected by your significant other. For example, when you think about it, most people have specific guidelines about how they want to be treated by others around them, especially by those that "really" love them. When one of their rules has been broken, they want to be reassured that the violating idividual realizes that what they did upset them, and that is what the argument was really all about.
This concept of personal guidelines can be hidden from view, particularly in fairly new relationships. In the early days, you don't know your partner that well yet, therefore you have no idea what your significant other's rules are. If you do break one of his rules, then you might not even realize it simply because it has been purposely overlooked in order to maintain a good impression.
The thing is, if arguments are likely to manifest, then in what way can you go about resolving arguments to the liking of him and yourself? Well, you have to start by being upfront and honest. You need to express your feelings openly. As an example, let's assume you and he had a difference of opionions about him being late for a date. You allow his tardiness get to you, and explain to him "if you truly loved me, you would make an effort here on time." He, on the other hand, could react by stating, "if you truly appreciated me, then you would understand that I won't always be able to be on time."
In this example, the less obvious truth would unfortunately be that you felt hurt by your partner being late because of your own fear of not being as important as your partner's other commitments. Had you told your partner how you felt at the time, he may have been much more likely to offer the reassurance that you were looking for. Then, the two of you could have light-heartedly talked about, instead of arguing about, the differences of opinion that you both have on the subject of being on time.
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Article Added on Sunday, February 20, 2011
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