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I remember the first time I met Melinda and realized that there was something very wrong with this girl. I remember Gary shrugging his shoulders and telling me that she was "on medication for being psychologically unstable." I also remember the first time I told Gary that if he didn't get rid of Melinda, only bad things could happen as a result of keeping her around. By the time one of her mood swings resulted in the police coming, I thought to myself that surely Gary would realize that he had to get rid of her - but to my amazement they were back together later that night. After that, I took it upon myself one evening to put a beer in Gary's hand and have a bit of a sit-down conversation with him. I told him that if he did not get rid of his girlfriend, something was going to happen that would be irreversible. I explained to him that if he did not get away now, the day would come when he would not be able to get away, and that's where our story picks back up with these two, the point of no return... One of the benefits of dating a crazy girl is that the crazier they are, the better they are in bed. This was something that Gary not only knew, but enjoyed quite frequently. The biggest problem with Gary's enjoyment of this was that Gary enjoyed it without the use of a condom. Not smart. Melinda's idea of birth control was abortion, and she had already had five of them with Gary. What had not occurred to him was: what would result if the day came that she got pregnant and decided not to have an abortion? The day finally came when Gary decided he had had enough of Melinda. He told her they were finished, and he was serious about it. What Gary did not know however, was that by the time he told her this, she was pregnant again. So what did Melinda decide to do to keep Gary in her life? Simple answer, don't have another abortion. Having his child would guarantee that he was in her life permanently. Gary having a child with Melinda would also guarantee that his child would turn out just as crazy as she is. The surprises that Gary had not considered just kept on getting better. So what happened over the next nine months? Interesting things: I'll give you the highlights. Melinda, crazy as ever, and now with the added bonus of the out of control emotions that pregnant women have, ruined a perfectly good frying pan over Gary's head. I say ruined because afterwards, it was so dented that it was unusable. Gary got lucky with that, no permanent brain damage (although considering the decisions this guy makes in life, I question whether his brain ever did work correctly). When the police got there they arrested Melinda and took her away in handcuffs, but when it came time for Gary to testify in court, he didn't for the sake of his unborn child. And while all of this was happening, he was having sex with another girl, Ayesha. You'll remember that I said Gary doesn't like having sex with condoms. You guessed it, Ayesha gets pregnant also. Ayesha's boyfriend was very upset when he got out of prison and found out about all this. So this leaves Gary with a two-week-old son, another baby on the way from a different girl, and a guy who just got out of prison looking for him. My advice to Gary was to sue for custody of his son, sever ties with Melinda, and learn how to use a condom. Gary replies by telling me, "Well at least things can't get any worse." He was wrong about this also. After having their son, Melinda assures Gary that she has had a birth control implant put in, and they continue to have unprotected sex. Within weeks, Melinda tells Gary that she is pregnant again. At three months pregnant Melinda and Gary go to see a doctor for prenatal care. The doctor looks up at Gary and assures him that his girlfriend is doing fine for being six weeks pregnant. Gary looks at the doctor and says, you mean three months pregnant right? The doctor assures Gary that he knows what he's talking about, and no, in fact Melinda is six weeks pregnant. Melinda's story is that she had a miscarriage, didn't even know it was a miscarriage, and must have become pregnant again six weeks ago. This is the type of insanity that you just can't make up, or believe actually happened, either. Now let's discuss what this has done to Gary financially. With the new baby in the house, formula to buy, and the never ending supply of diapers needed, Gary found himself frequently short on cash. His solution was to continuously get car title loans to make ends meet. This worked for a while until the day that he could not make the high interest payments and they took his car. So how does Gary get to work every day? Melinda drives him every morning and picks him up every evening spending the whole time nagging him about how he needs to figure out how to buy a car. The irony is that Melinda isn't working either. She is on unemployment and disability. It's hilarious to me to know that a leech of the system like Melinda continuously nags Gary about not making enough money. The moral to the story is to be careful who you surround yourself with, and always, always use a condom! Gary called me the other day and my advice was a murder-suicide. He wasn't sure if I was kidding or not, and neither was I. If you want to figure out how to get your life together before it's too late, click on the link below for my free eBook Domination Basics and start learning how right now.
Article Source: http://www.bharatbhasha.net Article Url: http://www.bharatbhasha.net/humour.php/234169 Article Added on Monday, April 26, 2010 LD
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