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But did you know that you may be reinforcing, justifying and validating your fears? Do you realize that you are probably making your fears a permanent fixture of your personality? You have to stop justifying your fears if you expect to overcome them. There are 2 main ways that we justify our fears. 1. When you don't do something you fear, no bad things happen, and so you reinforce that the fear was useful. For example, when you don’t call a client, then bad things don't happen. You definitely won’t get the sale, but you can't be rejected, and your fear is justified. As another example, if you don’t speak up in that meeting at work you won’t be calling attention to yourself and your good ideas, but you also won’t be ridiculed. By not being ridiculed, you have kept yourself protected and justified your fear. 2. As time passes, you begin making excuses on behalf of the fear, consciously validating it. For example, you might be looking at a pretty girl sitting a few seats away from you, trying to muster up the strength to speak to her. The longer you let your fear of rejection build, the more likely you are to make excuses such as “she doesn’t appear to be interested in chatting to anyone,” or “she is probably with someone.” You are essentially validating your fear by giving reasons why you would absolutely be rejected, thus further justifying your fears. Certainly, there are times when your fear may serve as a valid warning. For example, before you invest thousands of dollars in a business venture, that little nagging fear might be just the thing you need to ensure you do your due diligence and investigate the business opportunity thoroughly. More commonly, the fear is unjustified. You KNOW the fears I’m talking about. The things that you know you SHOULD be doing, but you seem to always have a good reason for not doing. So we have to ask ourselves, how can we move through our fears? There is no question that we feel fear, and that fear can be a very deep force. Well, here are a few techniques that you can test to overcome fear. COMPARE ACTION TO INACTION This first strategy will compare the thing you fear to do, with what will truly happen if you do not do it. Depending on how strong your fear is, and what will happen if you don’t do the thing you fear, you may find that the DOING overrides the NOT doing. This technique works great if you are in an uncomfortable situation that could be made worse in the long run from inaction. 1. Ask yourself, what is the worst possible outcome that could happen if you do that thing you fear. Really imagine that bad outcome as if it were happening to you RIGHT NOW. 2. Consider what happens AFTER that bad thing happens. Can you live with the AFTERMATH? Ask yourself if it's as bad as you thought? 3. Now, imagine what will happen if you do NOT do whatever it is that you fear. What’s the WORST possible outcome if you do not do it? The effects might not be immediate, so you might need to think long-term here. Imagine it as if it were happening RIGHT NOW. How’s THAT make you feel? 4. Finally, consider the AFTERMATH of whatever it is you fear to do, but continue to imagine the result of NOT doing it. Which is a better outcome? FEAR OF FAILURE, OR PERFECTIONISM Another strategy is to consider the good instead of the bad. Imagine doing that thing that you fear and having a good outcome. DON’T think of the BEST possible outcome. Just think of an ACCEPTABLE outcome, one that would make you feel good. Visualize having that outcome RIGHT NOW. Now imagine another positive outcome, and another one, and another. The reason I do not want you considering the best possible outcome, is because you might not get it. And you know that. Fear of failure often comes from a fear that the outcome will not be perfect, so you need to let go of that. Very often, situations can have quite a variety of outcomes, many of which, while not ideal, will be quite satisfactory. PROCRASTINATION WITH STUFF YOU DO NOT LIKE TO DO (Like Stuff You’re Afraid Of) Sometimes, your present situation isn’t particularly bad and not taking action probably will not make things worse. Of course, it won’t make anything better, either. In that situation, you can try the technique on overcoming procrastination I wrote about in October on my blog. This technique works when you want to do something that you don’t like doing, but it will also work with various types of fears. So hopefully some of these techniques have taught you how to overcome fear. Fear is certainly powerful, and using any of these strategies will probably still result in you having some discomfort. Completely removing fear takes time. That’s just the way it is. There is no magic bullet solution, only techniques that can help with overcoming fear.
Article Source: http://www.bharatbhasha.net Article Url: http://www.bharatbhasha.net/self_improvement.php/204447 Article Added on Thursday, January 14, 2010
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